How to love your voice (without being a narcissist)

“I hate the sound of my voice!”  “I sound like a [insert derogatory term here]”  “I am off! I can’t do it. It’s awful!”

Familiar comments? 

Are you constantly chiding and chastising yourself the minute you open your mouth to sing?” How can you ever truly love your voice? Do you even want to love your voice, or think that those who do are narcissists?

When it comes to singing, we all battle with thoughts about our voice not being good enough, or of not sounding like some other person who we think sings better. There is an obstacle (or several) in our way, and we can lose confidence in our ability to ever have that elusive ‘perfect’ voice. We can easily feel these experiences spiral out of control via nagging beliefs of never being good enough, and so we can give up completely. Some are just born with it, and some are not, right?

Does this describe you? Well let me tell you the reality. We can absolutely overcome these thoughts and experiences about our voice by persisting with these simple steps:

Stop

The moment you start to berate yourself when you sing, STOP! Put the brakes on. Do not let  yourself continue with such debilitating thoughts or words:

“I hate the sound of my voice!” PAUSE – STOP

“I am off! I can’t do it. It’s awful!” PAUSE – STOP

Don’t do anything else. Just be still. Be silent. Breathe deeply. Take a closer look at what you’ve thought or said.

Examine

Think about what you just did. Do you really believe that? Examine the words you are using. What do you mean, exactly? Let’s travel to that place of vocal self-repulsion. 

“I hate the sound of my voice!” 

“I am off! I can’t do it. It’s awful!” 

Hate. What do you hate? What is awful? What do you mean by ‘off’? Describe your experience precisely. Is it the pitch? Is it the lack of resonance or warmth? Is it the way you approach the note or phrase? Is it your mouth shape? Are you running out of breath? 

You need to take a closer look at what you are railing against about your sound. It’s not ever about YOU personally! Approach the music like a detective. Are you supported in your body when you sing? Do you know what that means? Or it may just be a matter of changing the key or examining the phrasing, emotion, or something else. Are you enunciating the vowels and consonants correctly? Are you tired or not feeling well? 

This where a singing teacher can help you zone in and tweak things. It’s just too easy to hate on yourself and quit.

Approach

Try singing again and notice. Break down the song you are working on, phrase by phrase, word by word, or even syllable by syllable to identify opportunities for improvement. It might be tedious work but it is worth doing.

Where do you hit a wall in your singing? Are there any recurring problem spots? Can you notice any ‘pot holes’? Where do you sense the pitch is ‘off’, or what is the part that you ‘hate’? Is it a high note or a low note? Is it the energy you give to that phrase or how you articulate the lyrics? Look at the vowels and consonants in the phrase. Can you sing it as a pure sound instead, then put the lyrics back in?

With the help of a teacher you can troubleshoot your singing in new and different ways, considering someone else’s perspective and experience, until you are happier with your sound. Know that perfection is not the goal, but consistent, gentle, self-compassionate improvement is.

Renew

Once you have identified a new or different approach to your singing or to a specific song you are working on, implement and reinforce it daily. This may include new techniques, exercises, or refining a particular song section. Baby steps make a difference. Take time to practice and stick with it!

Can you also find other ways to think about your voice? Your self-talk matters. You can write positive phrases, such as those below, and make up your own. Paint your ideal voice with words. It may feel strange and fake at first, but keep repeating them as you practice and what you focus on will become reality. It really works!

Remember, you want to develop your voice, not someone else’s. These articles may also help reorient your thinking:

• The authentic voice
• How to sing like…YOU!

Celebrate

As your voice improves, celebrate the small wins. Every high note that rings. Every low note held stable. Each phrase you get through without collapsing your body. Whatever you feel is an achievement ought to be savoured. These little victories matter and keep you motivated. Record your progress and when you look back you will see how your efforts have paid off!

Think about other ways you can applaud your wins and create opportunities, such as performing a little concert for your family and friends, posting your singing on a video sharing platform, or other treat. 

Hope (and heal)

When it comes to your singing voice – and everything in life really – you must never give up hope. Hold on to the fact that this process is all about bringing love, joy, and healing to yourself and others. It is a slow journey of discovery about what you can uniquely contribute to the world through your creative soul sound. 

Loving your voice is not about a narcissistic obsession with being recognised, becoming famous, or adoration by others, but allowing your God-given sound to emerge from within you, and having freedom of expression. It’s what Be Free To Sing is all about!

So when you review these words above you notice that all you need to do is SEARCH for the answers and they will be there! Give it a try. I would love to help you. Please browse my website and embrace what I have to offer for your learning options, try a FREE Discovery Consultation, and contact me today!

Be Free To Sing,

Yvonne